Who Are You Becoming?

A Self-Reflection Journal Practice

Mar 16, 2025

blue and purple click pen on white paper — Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

“If you let go of the idea of being something in particular, you become everything.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The Ever-Evolving Self

We often think of ourselves as having a core, unchanging identity—but what if who we are is more like a river, always in motion? Life transitions have a way of unsettling our sense of self, pulling us between the comfort of who we’ve been and the uncertainty of who we’re becoming.

Who we are is not static—it is constantly shifting, shaped by our experiences, challenges, and choices. Each phase of life brings new opportunities to redefine ourselves, shed old identities, and embrace emerging aspects of who we are becoming.

Transitions—whether welcomed or unexpected—serve as powerful catalysts for self-discovery. They invite us to pause, reflect, and ask: Who am I now? What truly matters to me? Often, the discomfort of change stems not from the transition itself but from the uncertainty of stepping into an unfamiliar version of ourselves.

But what if our sense of self isn’t as fixed as we assume? Neuroscience suggests that our identity is, in many ways, a mental construct, shaped by habitual thoughts and beliefs. The Default Mode Network (DMN)—a key brain network responsible for self-referential thinking and autobiographical memory1 —plays a central role in maintaining our internal narrative. It is the part of the brain that weaves together past experiences, emotions, and personal interpretations into the ongoing story of who we are.

Yet long before neuroscience explored the DMN, Buddhist and other wisdom traditions recognized that the self is not an independent, unchanging entity but rather an evolving phenomenon. Teachings on emptiness (sunyata) and non-duality suggest that our perception of a fixed self is an illusion, reinforced by habitual thinking. Both perspectives point to the same truth: we are not who we think we are—we are the awareness beneath the thoughts.

Why Does the Brain Resist Change?

The DMN maintains our sense of self by reinforcing familiar narratives. When life transitions challenge these narratives, the DMN clings to old self-concepts, seeking stability.

However, the brain is neuroplastic, meaning it has the ability to reshape itself in response to experience. When a significant shift occurs—such as a career change, loss, or personal growth—the DMN’s grip on identity begins to loosen. This activates other brain networks, like the Salience Network (SN), which acts as a bridge between the DMN and the Executive Control Network (ECN). The SN filters what is most important, often engaging the amygdala, the brain’s emotional processing center, which responds to uncertainty as a potential threat.

From a psychological standpoint, losing an identity can feel like a mini-death. When we experience major transitions, the amygdala may interpret this shift as an existential threat, triggering:

Fear of the unknown (Who am I if I’m not this?)

Anxiety about uncertainty (What if I fail at being this new version of myself?)

Resistance to change (It’s safer to stay in familiar territory, even if it no longer serves me.)

If the DMN keeps us anchored in the stories of who we’ve been, the ECN gives us the power to rewrite those stories. The ECN helps us step out of autopilot, engage in conscious decision-making, and integrate new self-concepts. Reinvention happens not by erasing the past, but by reinterpreting it in a way that supports growth.

By working with neuroplasticity, we can train the brain to embrace reinvention rather than resist it—allowing us to navigate identity shifts with greater ease, curiosity, and resilience.

Think of it like training a muscle at the gym—the more we practice shifting our perspective, questioning old narratives, and embracing new ways of thinking, the stronger our capacity for change becomes. At first, stepping into a new identity feels awkward—just as learning a new movement at the gym does. But with repetition, neural pathways reinforce new patterns of thinking and being. Over time, what once felt foreign becomes second nature. Just as strength training gradually reshapes the body, mindfulness and intentional self-reflection reshape the mind, making transformation not only possible but sustainable.

lake between trees and mountains — Photo by Jack Anstey on Unsplash

“Be like a river, constantly flowing. Do not attach yourself to a single drop, for the essence of water is movement.” ~ Rumi

How Life Transitions Shape Identity

From a psychological and neurological perspective, our sense of self is not a fixed entity—it is adaptable and shaped by our experiences. Life transitions—whether career shifts, relationship changes, parenthood, loss, or aging—challenge the DMN to reorganize and reinterpret our self-identity.

For example:

A major career change may shift from how we see ourselves professionally.

The loss of a loved one may force us to redefine our role within our family or community.

Entering midlife may invite us to question past aspirations and cultivate a more authentic path forward.

The DMN plays a role in integrating these changes into our self-concept, but it also has a tendency to cling to old identities, making transitions feel disorienting. This is why mindfulness can be so valuable—it allows us to observe our internal narrative without being fully identified with it.

Mindfulness as a Tool to Ease Identity Shifts

Meditation and mindfulness help by reducing excessive DMN activity2 and training the brain to observe identity shifts without becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of being hijacked by the amygdala’s fear response, mindfulness practices regulate the nervous system and activate the ECN—allowing for a more balanced, less reactive approach to change.

By engaging in mindful self-inquiry, we can soften our attachment to old identities and make space for new possibilities.

an open book sitting on top of a wooden table next to a cup of coffee — Photo by Finde Zukunft on Unsplash

“What is it you were born to do? What work of the soul, what wild prayer?” ~ Mary Oliver

Journaling Exercise: Who Are You Becoming?

Step 1: Set Aside Time to Meet Yourself

Find a quiet space. Take a few deep breaths, feeling the breath move in and out of the body. Notice the surface beneath you, the support of the earth or chair holding you. Gently roll your shoulders, sense the jaw, and invite any areas of tightness or tension to release. Place a hand on your heart or belly (or both), connecting with your breathing, heartbeat, and your body’s wisdom. Let yourself arrive fully in this moment.

Step 2: Reflect on Your Current Chapter

As you breathe, notice any sensations in your body as you reflect on these questions:

What major transitions or shifts are you experiencing right now?

Where do you feel these shifts in the body? Do they bring a sense of openness or contraction?

What lessons, strengths, or values are emerging from these changes?

Step 3: Self-Inquiry Prompts

With each question, take a moment to pause, breathe, and notice your body’s subtle responses:

What aspects of yourself feel most authentic right now? Where do you feel that authenticity in the body?

What are you outgrowing or leaving behind? As you bring this to mind, what are you noticing in the body? Is there a particular place that it is located? Does it have a size, or shape? Do you notice a sense of ease or resistance?

Who are you becoming through this transition? If you close your eyes and embody this version of yourself, how does it feel?

Step 4: Future Intentions

Engage your senses as you envision the path ahead:

What qualities or mindsets do you want to cultivate moving forward? Imagine how embodying these shifts feels physically—perhaps a sense of expansion, lightness, or grounding.

What small daily actions can help align with this evolving version of yourself? As you visualize taking these actions, notice any shifts in your posture, breath, or energy.

Final Integration: Before finishing, shake out your hands, stretch, or move intuitively to help integrate the insights from this reflection into your body. Take one more deep breath and carry this embodied awareness with you as you move forward.

Integrating Insights into Daily Life

By understanding that identity is fluid, we can embrace change with curiosity instead of resistance. Here are some ways to integrate this awareness:

Practice mindfulness: Notice self-referential thoughts and ask, Is this narrative still serving me?

Let go of outdated identities: Release beliefs or roles that no longer align with who you are becoming.

Embrace small shifts: Identity change doesn’t happen overnight—start by making choices that reflect your evolving self.

Reinvention isn’t a single moment—it’s a practice of meeting ourselves anew, again and again. What small act of courage can you take today to step into who you are becoming?